When In-Laws are the Root of Marital Problems
Marital problems were probably not something on your mind when you got married. You were probably hoping for a teammate for life, someone who would have your back in any situation, who would defend you to the death, and who would never, NEVER, throw you under the bus. What if, after the ‘I do’s,’ some marital problems begin to crop up? What if your spouse reveals that, unbeknownst to you, there is another woman in his life? A woman who is much more powerful than you could ever be? What if that woman is his MOTHER, and that woman questions whether or not you are quite good enough for her son? If your marital problems always seems to involve a third person channeling the issues, you may be wondering if the marriage was a mistake in the first place. If so, a competent local attorney at your side will make the coming months more bearable.
Mothers and Sons and Marital Problems
One researcher was himself surprised at the frequency with which men defended their mothers when a conflict arose with their wives. Men, he reported, regularly viewed their wives as stronger than their frail mothers, and felt their wives should therefore make allowances for the errors of their moms.
It turns out, according to research, than men generally have a lower tolerance for conflict in a family setting. When tensions rise, they become psychologically overcome, and have an instinct to retreat from the trouble. By avoiding all response, or by simply giving an icy glare. They tend to communicate disapproval toward wives, who then feel betrayed. Another common defense mechanism is for men to defend their mothers by attempting to minimize the offensive words and actions that tend to needle wives. Again, wives see this as taking sides with Mom, not simply an effort to defuse the situation.
On the other hand, one University of Cambridge study revealed that poor relationships between wives and in-laws was the number one cause of estrangement between husbands and their parents. While in past years these rifts led to parents disowning sons who had disappointed them with their choice of a bride, in modern times it seems that sons are more likely to cut off relationships when they interfere with the marriage. Why?
For one thing, many people are getting married older, and are less dependent on their parents by the time they tie the knot. It is easier to cut ties with parents if they are seen as a disruptive influence on the marriage. This estrangement, too, can cause strain in a marriage, since happy, connected familial relationships are a definite protective factor in marital health. A husband who secretly feels manipulated by his wife to choose between Mom and Wife may resent the position he has been put into and may not understand why attaining harmony is so difficult when it comes to the two most important women in his life.
When Marital Problems Cause a Marriage to End
Whether the marital problems in your marriage are related to in-laws or other factors, if you are ready to call it quits, you will need an effective and knowledgeable family law attorney by your side. At the Santa Rosa family law office of Beck Law P.C., our aggressive family law attorneys will assist with all the legal details necessary for a satisfactory outcome. If you live in Sonoma County, Mendocino County or Lake County California, contact our Santa Rosa office for a confidential consultation today.