Is there such a thing as a peaceful divorce?. Whether contemplating divorce makes you start to feel sick or makes your blood boil, it is worth acknowledging that you are thinking about one of the most stressful events in your life. Coming to terms with what is ahead might require rethinking the process, and learning a little about what science has to say about making the path a little less explosive.
Emotional Triggers That Can Block a Peaceful Divorce
There are key events in the divorce process that can be particularly difficult. Dealing with these brittle moments effectively can make a world of difference in how you feel.
- Initiating the divorce: According to studies, people are generally mulling the idea of divorce for roughly 18 months before they broach the subject with their spouse. One suggestion is to make an abrupt shift in the way you think about splitting. Instead of viewing the process as a difficult problem, try thinking about it as a way to redefine your relationship with your spouse. Discussing it in these terms is more positive and provides room for growth and possibly a peaceful divorce, rather than feelings of being diminished.
- Define the event: Discuss the upcoming process with your spouse, and make clear determinations of how you want to discuss it with your family and friends. A peaceful divorce avoids casting one partner as the villain. Instead, embrace a peaceful divorce process where everyone comes out with a win, and project that to others.
- Be responsible on social media: Believe it or not, more than 10% of arguments during the divorce process are linked to social media posts. You can avoid this drama by being mindful of what you are posting, or by avoiding social media all together for a spell. The last thing you want to do is belittle your spouse and unnecessarily detonate a bomb as you trek through your divorce.
- Be sensitive about your rings: Although you may be used to the idea of divorce because it has been on your mind for a while, the same may not be true of your spouse. Removing your rings can be very painful for both of you, so it is important to discuss it before you show up one day without them. Rings are, after all, a powerful symbol of your love, and their removal is like the final strike in the marriage. Be gentle.
- Be smart about dating: You will officially be “free” when your divorce is final, but you may feel like dating long before that. However, you should be aware of the fact that 40% of arguments during the process of divorce are directly related to this issue. You have your life ahead of you. At this point, at least show your spouse a modicum of respect by discussing the issue before flaunting a new sidekick.
It is your life and the decisions are yours to make, but the science to a peaceful divorce is clear: Demonstrating compassion and respect during this difficult process makes it much easier on your spouse – and on you.
Regardless of the issues, at Beck Law P.C., our experienced divorce lawyers can help you navigate the difficulties of divorce. Contact our Santa Rosa office to schedule a confidential consultation if you live in Mendocino County, Lake County, or Sonoma County.